Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
