Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
