so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
