watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
