nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
