Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
