Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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