when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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