There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
