It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
