Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
