Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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