you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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