why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
