Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
