How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
