i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
