Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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