Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
