I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
