my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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