is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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