I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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