I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
