Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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