Soap is not a condiment
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
