today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
