i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
