guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize