nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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