I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Houston, we have a blender
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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