We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
