some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
