Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize