The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
