Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
