there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
