the condom got lost in my hair
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
foreskin is a definite game changer
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
