hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
