he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
