and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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