after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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