I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
