are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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