dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
