I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
