Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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