AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
