yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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