Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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