Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
