Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
