Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
