I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize