the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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