Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
