Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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