He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
