I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
