everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
