I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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