dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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