All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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