Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
